Well, I think this is the last entry I'll be posting in this spot. Tomorrow is moving day, and I've still got freelance work to do, plus more packing, plus I've been on the phone with truck rental places, getting the runaround. What is it with these places? I finally nailed down a trailer, which should be plenty to move what little I've got, but what should have been a very simple transaction took at least two hours, between being told to call the 800 number, then the 800 people telling me to call the regional office, and those people telling me to call the office I'd originally called...and the original office trying to dump me back on the 800 number. AAAGGGHHH!!!

So, as you can see, my stress has not abated just yet. ;-) Ah...breathe deeply, breathe deeply. Inhale and exhale...

There. That's a little better. Luckily I have three loving siblings who'll be helping me get things done tomorrow. I know I'm very blessed to have them. :-)

The week before Grant was born, I'd thought I would have my toenails painted baby blue in his honor — besides, I thought it would give me something pretty to look at. *ahem* I never got around to it, though, and was actually lucky I had time to even trim my toenails before the doctor decided to admit me to the hospital to induce labor.

Now that the boy has been around for two and a half years, I feel the urge to Go Girly. Like, totally to the max. As in loveseats covered in cabbage roses, fresh-cut flowers everywhere, and pink-pink-pink. LOL

My sister-the-shrink says moving into my own place will give me the opportunity to show my femininity. She's not kidding! I actually asked her if she thought home decor that's heavy on the girly side would somehow have a negative effect on my boy. (She said she didn't think so.) ;-) But really, if the truth be known, I'm probably more inclined toward a Frida-Kahlo-meets-Moroccan-interiors kinda style. The cabbage roses are a fun idea, though...

Ah...today I went outside to throw out some trash, and the weather was perfect: ocean breezes, warm sun (but not hot), and the air was so fresh. I'm definitely going to miss that after I move further inland (and south). I've always enjoyed living near the beach, even if it is about six miles away or so. And it's not as though I won't be able to drive to the beach from my new location, either. It'll just take a little longer, and I'm just going to miss my familiar spots.

But I'm hoping this change will be good for me. I have projects I want to pursue. Stuff I want to spread out. Poems I want to write. Weight I want to lose. Heck, maybe I'll even date. (Omigosh.) I'd like to have someone to share the rest of my life with...

Thank you all for reading my ramblings over the past couple of weeks. I've so enjoyed having this space to unwind and let down my cyberhair somewhat...as well as subject you all to my choice of artwork. ;-) Thanks to Kate for giving me this opportunity. What a generous gesture, letting me contribute to her personal journal. Thank you, Kate — thank you, thank you, thank you...

I wish you all a place where you can be fully, vibrantly, beautifully and lovingly yourselves.

Smoochies,
Beth

- Beth

I'm starting to think eating chocolate and peanut butter ice cream doesn't really solve anything. Call it a hunch.

The best chocolate and peanut butter ice cream I've found so far is the Dreamery kind, which the 7-11 on the corner, unfortunately, is currently selling for $1.99. This is bad news. For a while, I chalked up my cravings to PMS — that whole salty-sweet thing some people like me go through on a monthly basis. I think the real deal is stress.

Yes, I'm stressed. I've got the second installment of the cat calendar to finish and submit by tomorrow, I've got to pack, I'm moving to an area where my primary contact for a while will be Grant's dad (to whom I'm not exactly close these days) and there are too many damned mirrors in this house. Seriously, one whole wall of the living room is mirrored. I guess the previous owners thought they'd try to make the place look bigger, but it's been the bane of my existence ever since I was eleven years old.

Ah, yes. I keep thinking it'll be fun to have a lake nearby (as I will in my new place), so I can ride my bike and take walks with Grant. It will be fun, I know, but the weight loss I hope to achieve will surely happen more slowly than I'd like. No, I'm not saying how much I intend to lose. ;-)

Right now the thing is...I look in the mirror, don't like what I see, and I think, well, screw it, some more ice cream won't make any difference because I'm so deep into it right now anyway. I know that's not entirely rational, but I know people who do that all the time. And besides, who said I was rational?

Blah, blah, magazines, blah, blah, stress, blah, blah, models, blah, blah, supermodels, blah, blah, society's unrealistic standards, blah...

Take your pick. There are lots of scapegoats out there. The fact is, I'm cute. There, I said it. I'm nice. I'm a good mom. I'm smart. I'm funny. My body gave life to a glorious, brand-new human being, fer cryin' out loud! But I also let what other people think of me affect me too much.

I don't like that.

I still have a membership to a gym. I got it a long time ago when I worked for the evil aerospace company and we got a cheap deal. The membership is maybe 10 years old...? Not sure. I am sure, though, that I've never used it. Is that nuts or what??

Okay, that's just me being hard on myself again. You see what I put up with? But back to the stress. I may be dreaming when I think that my stress will abate after I move. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I hope it will. Or more accurately, I hope I can reframe things so I'm not so bothered. And use my gym membership (there's one near my new place) and take walks around the lake and maybe even wear out the tires on my bike a little, too. Okay, at least I can get them dirty.

All things in their own time. For now, though, somebody hide the ice cream.

- Beth