aug18-04 wed

~ nothing much happening in the barn these days ~

Taking five minutes to rest my back and feet, have been standing in the kitchen or garden or hospital or school or store most of the day. It’s seriously cold outside, so this afternoon I made use of the stove to make double batches of granola and salsa.

This morning was spent pounding between various institutions of commerce, health and education while my van was in the garage for a detailed checkup. Scott insisted, as I am about to drive through the mountains, that it be inspected front to back and everything brought up to snuff.

Some pieces on the front brakes had to be ground down and Scott was quick to say “that’s from someone riding the brakes too hard” and the guy said no, they were rusted out. Then there was something else brake-related and Scott made sure to throw in his usual remark about coming up to corners too fast, and the guy said no, it is normal wear and tear and they see a lot of that.

Mwa ha ha.

***

I might have snagged a place to live, thanks to my ever-lovin sister Karen. It’s in Westbank and perhaps not perfect but it has plenty of good qualities, right down to towels, dishes, and bedding. I had a long conversation with one of the owners a while ago and we will talk again in the morning. It sounds as if they are showing it to others so I am not counting on anything, but I was encouraged when she said she would rather rent it to me than keep showing it. We’ll see.

I could not keep up the lie to Emil that we are only going for a short holiday and then coming home. This afternoon I called him into the kitchen, saying I had to talk to him about something, and came clean about what is going on. I explained about Mom’s illness, prognosis and treatment, what I am planning, and why I want him and Everett to be with me there. He asked a few questions — mostly making sure he could still stay in touch with the angel counsellor from Camp Easter Seal and that he could still visit his dad — and he seems to be okay with it. That is a relief for me, as I am sure he had a sense of the truth anyway.

He will ask more questions over the coming days as he thinks of things, and I am sure he will drive me crazy as he repeats my answers back many times in order to process the facts. But all in all he took the news in stride and doesn’t seem upset.

***

I feel pressured, though I am not driving myself hard. I am consciously not moving too fast or furious, not pushing myself to accomplish anything in a big hurry. But there is this pressure I cannot put a finger on. I need a good massage and twelve cups of chamomile tea.

Scott has been offering me a special relaxation treatment and I must wise up and take advantage of it. Surely it will do me a world of good.

xoxo
etc