We left Mom and Dad's new condo in Kelowna on Wednesday morning. The above photo shows me with Mom and Dad just before Scott and I went out the door.

Mom said "Everyone is taking pictures of me these days." I guess it might seem rather morbid, but it's true. She puts on her best face though. Here, they had just said "But it's so early in the morning, we're barely awake!"

It was very difficult to leave. I can't remember any time in my life when my mother wept and said "I don't want you to go," and yet that morning it felt perfectly natural as I held her tight for a very long time and said I don't want to go, either, but don't worry, I'll be back before you know it.

This also was the first time in my life when I had an opportunity to do something to help Mom and Dad, rather than always the other way around. I spent several days packing, and several days unpacking and putting things away in their new condo, as well as making meals when Mom was laying down, unwell from the morphine she was taking for pain across her chest and shoulders.

Now she's tossed that aside rather than feel so shitty, and is toughing out the discomfort until tomorrow after a c.t. scan and a biopsy, then radiation that will hopefully take care of the lump on her breastbone.

Scott helped a lot too, and Mom and Dad were very grateful. So was I.

***

Mom and I both had a rough day after we left. Hers was weepy, she told me. Mine was sad and sick at heart, though I drove from Vernon all the way to Calgary, which probably helped keep my mind focused on something besides concern for Mom and Dad.

***

Look at that picture. I've been told all my life that I am the spitting image of Dad and of his mother, but here I don't see that. I mean, look at the cheekbones and the eyes on this mother and daughter. Do they not match? Scott says simply that I am an even blend of both of them.

When I look at the pictures, I see the strain everyone is under. Even Dad seems to be struggling to hold his emotions in check. He was so wound up during the move, trying to get everything to go right and in a timely fashion, that I worried about him. When we left I pinched his cheek and told him to take care of himself, too — to get his rest and try to relax. He assured me he would, but I know he won't until everything is in its place. Fortunately it mostly was and there were just details to take care of after we departed. My youngest sister Joan has been over there helping with that — putting clothing away, that sort of thing. She also came over one afternoon while I was there and helped put Mom's good dishes into the china cabinet. I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I'd have liked, just the way things worked out — but we did pass an hour together, talking, so that was something.

***

I'm off out to pick strawberries, then going to my home town to see Grandma before driving out to my sister Karen's to help her put in her slate patio.

xoxo
etc
Kate