A drive around my home town displays three old churches starved down to their bones, their eyes dried out and empty. One church, the Lutheran, remains active. It’s the one Grandma attends every Sunday. The windows of the other three are boarded up or knocked out. I took pictures, but can only find this one. It is near the south end of main street.

I am looking down our driveway at Manful clearing away the snow with a bobcat. The snow was so soft yesterday that I got the van stuck when I tried to back out. After a half-hearted attempt at getting out — a little rocking, a little shovelling — I gave it up in favour of not having the van bang into a little poplar tree it kept sliding toward.

Zander came running over from the house next door, without a jacket. I sent him home to get one, as it will be cooler and dark when he leaves.

I am just off the phone with Diana, whose mom has passed away shockingly sooner than expected after a diagnosis of lung cancer. There is nothing I can say or do to help, really; but I will pass along these “wise words” that were spoken to three others whose mother had recently died:

When Your Mother Dies

“I know how much pain the three of you are in today and I want to tell you what I know about the death of one's mother, from my own experience. It just hurts like hell for months and the tears come at very unpredictable times and over things that you wouldn't guess.

The pain, fear and loneliness you feel today will get better in time. Your mom is close by right now and, if you listen, pay attention and ask her she will come to you in dreams, strange signs and through others still in the body. This will not frighten you; it will give you comfort and make you less afraid of dying yourself.

The rawness of the pain will lessen in a few months and then you will think you see her across the street and realize that it's some other woman about the same age and same style of dress as your mom and you will wonder if that woman's family really knows how precious she is. You'll wish you could go to the family and tell them ‘Hold on tight to your mom, sniff in her essence, saturate yourself with her smell, listen to her recite recipes to you and give you advice. You will hurt like hell when she's gone and you don't have it any more.’

You will find that the three of you become closer and stronger as a unit of siblings and your mom would want that.

You will be the ones that your friends turn to when their parents die and you will have a deep compassion for those who grieve. When you have your own children, you will tell them what your mother's favourite flower was, your favourite dish she cooked, and the crazy times you had with her. She would want that.”

~ Gloria LeMay