5 p.m.

Been home two hours and don’t quite know what to do with myself. Barney and I left at 9 o’clock as Farmbeau’s mom asked me to deliver proclamation posters for the upcoming provincial election. Millie’s the returning officer. So we made a 300-kilometre loop through the tiny towns of Saskatchewan’s countryside, arriving back here at 3 o’clock.

It was a pleasant way to spend the day. Except for having to get out of the vehicle at every stop, because the wind today is icy, icy, icy. I could use a walk, but am not anxious to either freeze my ass or get an earache from the cold. Will have to dress for winter weather if I go out.

I almost stopped once to take a picture of a man herding 100 or more goats toward the secondary highway we were travelling on, but it was too cold out.

And now, home, I don’t feel like starting anything. I don’t know what to make for supper. Farmbeau made another batch of tomato soup, which doesn’t interest me today -- but then, neither does anything else. I ate a fried egg and two slices of toast for breakfast because I knew I had to eat something. I ordered a mushroom burger with fries for lunch at a little café because I had to pick something fast when the cook stood beside our table, but could only eat half of what was on the plate. And still, nothing I can think of preparing excites me at all.

I feel almost depressed, and wonder if this might be an after-effect of the drugs I had to take over the past two or three days to manage recurring neck migraines.

Well, whatever. It might do me good to get out for a walk, and maybe that’s what I should do. But I don’t like to leave when Don’s in the bathtub, in case of a slip and fall, banged head, unconsciousness, risk of drowning. Of course it’s unlikely — he baths every day without help or supervision, getting in and out of the tub independently — but still, I won’t take a chance on no one strong enough to lift him being here if something happens. Shit, I’m barely strong enough to lift him anymore — he’s heavier than I am by 10 pounds — so I don’t assume Barney could do much at his featherweight 100 pounds.

***

Some helpful, paraphrased reminders from Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love:

a) It’s easy to be loving and kind when your partner is being a sweet darling; it’s when he is not (barring destructive or abusive behaviour) that we get a chance to practise walking our ‘high road.’

b) No human is perfect or will be at his best all the time; we’ll all slip up and say or do thoughtless, inconsiderate, even mean and hurtful things. Having a partner who is human means that sometimes we’ll be disappointed and angry. But it doesn’t mean we aren’t loved or that we should give up on the relationship.

Don’s out of the tub, so I’m going for a walk.