~ gravecover next to our driveway ~
~ must be horrible feng shui! ~

9:30 a

phone ringing at 8 made me get up
i was laying in bed asking for help
from my guides or the sky or god
or the powers that be

because in the mornings
when i first wake
i think / i feel
what is there to get up for
today?

i’d rather go back to sleep

today we go to saskatoon
to take don to a pediatrician
when who he really needs to see
is an orthopedic surgeon
to order new braces perhaps

but no, there has to be the runaround
the system must be traversed in the proper order
starting at the beginning
all over again
because it’s a different province

before we leave i must take barney to grandma’s
so we don’t have to take the van
which just had $300 worth of repairs on its rear end
and now smells of antifreeze inside
we don’t trust it
and will take farmbeau’s truck instead

when i go to visit next door
i am a visitor
though they are kind and friendly and welcoming
and i like them
i am still visiting
and don’t really relax
as i might where i was raised

while he can fall asleep in their easy chair
he grew up in that house
it is home to him
and that yard is home to him
and he comes and goes there as if it was his own

whereas for me
it is someone else’s place
and i don’t naturally go there
and help myself
as if it was my own parents

and he takes that to mean
i don’t like them
or i am stuck-up
but no! it is just that
it takes time to become part of a family
and feel totally at home
in someone else’s house

when i am there
i am visiting
and it is a different thing
than dropping in at one’s parents’ home

these are his parents
and i don’t have 44 years of history
with them
or the house
or the yard
and outbuildings

well i must go
get dressed, eat, drive
drive, drive, drive