My friend, whom I hadn’t seen for about 15 years, told me about her sexlife when she visited at Easter:

“I just love my life! I work at home a couple hours a day. I have lots of room to plant whatever I want -- that’s the only thing I hate about where we live, there are literally no trees, you are on the bald prairie -- I’m collecting old farm stuff and making an outdoor museum of sorts, a kind of park -- I help my fella with the elk during the busy seasons, but otherwise I’m home and it’s exactly where I want to be.

“I said to him, “You don’t talk to me much, you don’t show me any affection or tell me you love me, and you want sex? What, you just want me to lay down and spread ‘em for you?

“Yes, he said. Can you believe it?

“Well why should I? I said. You can just forget about that one. I love ya, buddy, but I ain’t doing that for NO one.

“So he says he’ll have to go out and get some tail then, if I won’t put out. I said go ahead. He said ‘Don’t you care? Don’t you care if I sleep with somebody else?’

“I said “I’m not the least bit worried about it, and you know why? Because you’re too goddamn lazy to DO anything to convince anyone to HAVE sex with you, that’s why!

“What an idiot. It would be SO easy to get what he wants. A little hugging and kissing, a little affection and attention, and it’s going to happen naturally. But he expects it to happen all by itself! No foreplay, just a quick screw, he’s done, and I’m left laying there wanting more.

“He won’t get off his butt for me, so he sure as hell won’t go out of his way to seduce some woman he hardly knows. Nope, I know he won’t. And I couldn’t really care less if he did. I don’t need him for sex. I love him to pieces, but sex? If that’s the way he wants to be, I can take care of myself!”

She’s laughing all the way through the loud telling of this tale, practically slapping her knees like an old farmer.