~ from a calendar illustrated by Saskatchewan kids ~

Between four and six o’clock on weekdays I am in the kitchen doing dishes and making supper. The boys get off the school bus around then and can rely most days on finding me there. Everett is likely to settle in at the table for a hearty snack, and if Emil hasn’t headed straight out for a walk around the farmyard, he unfailingly beelines for the tub (as much as Emil can beeline; he doesn’t move too fast at home), passing through the kitchen twice on his way. I try my damnedest to be there, available.

Mom heard that it’s a good idea to set aside 15 minutes a day for each child, when they know you will focus on them and they can tell you what’s on their minds. This is my variation.

I heard that boys and men are more comfortable talking if they are doing something and not looking directly at you. For instance, walking side by side or even driving together will put them at ease to talk. Girls and women are more likely to speak their deep truths when they are eye to eye with someone.

***

The leaves came out a couple days ago and the grass has greened up. One evening after a day of light rain, there were so many long worms on the ground it was impossible to avoid stepping on them without tiptoeing, eyes on the ground. Good eatin’ for the birds; they’d be fattening up their babies.

•••

One night I spent a few minutes reading journal entries from a year ago. While they bring back memories, they seem to introduce new facts too, as if I don’t recall everything as it really was.

Maybe it takes a hell of a long time to process this stuff. My heart still squeezes, remembering much of it.

Yesterday I went to see an old schoolfriend whose mom died recently. I wanted to tell her what we found out from Cheryl about Mom, about what she is doing now. “Because if my mom is okay, so is yours!” I said.

***

Looks like another trip to Saskatoon is imminent. A swallowing test has been prescribed for Emil. It will take no more than a half hour— if you don’t count the highway and city driving. The specialist looking into Emil’s frequent and severe colds (this winter there were only two; perhaps the nasal spray helped?) was told that Emil coughs and clears his throat when he eats. Something may be going down the wrong pipe, which could be related to his respiratory pattern.

***

I have come to dislike the thought of travelling, perhaps because my trips already are frequent. I suppose it keeps me from becoming a hermit out here.

Cheryl said she takes all her travelling in stride by meditating every day. Years ago she said if she doesn’t meditate at least 20 minutes daily, she’s no good.

***

Everett:

Jack, my Siamese fighting fish, did something that kind of scared me a little bit last night. I was going to feed my fish and I didn’t see Jack. I asked myself, “Where’s Jack?” Then I saw him stuck in the plastic seaweed. It looked like he was dead. Then he realized, “Hey it’s food time!” and darted to the top of the fish tank.