~ some appliqués I've been embroidering for my quilt ~
~ i need to do 64 of these squares ~

Monday, March 7, 2005
2:10 p.m.

Just sitting down to work at the computer after a morning spent cleaning the kitchen (baked till suppertime yesterday and then was too lazy to clean properly), doing yoga, and reading.

One thing I read was an email from a friend (of longer than 25 years) who has never met my mom but always checks here to see how she's doing. It's made me think I should report in more often.

I called over there to see if Mom would like some company for a cup of tea this afternoon. She is in bed — "it's the most comfortable place" — doing crossword puzzles and listening to the radio. There is the usual pain (I am coming to hate that word) as well as a discomfort below her right ribcage. She is feeling drowsy right now so instead I will go over tomorrow and spend the morning there while Dad goes to the golf course.

Not long ago I was either picking up or parking a shopping cart at the grocery store, when it occurred to me — like a burst of sunshine — that of course the work I'm doing on Mom's feet, and the healing meditations, and the prayers everyone is making — of course these things are making a difference. Efforts such as these are not futile, even though their results may be invisible, intangible.

I had been feeling as if nothing anyone did mattered to the outcome. And maybe our efforts won't affect the outcome, but they have an effect now and maybe they will help Mom live longer or better than she would otherwise.

On Thursday when Dad went back to the doctor's office (after leaving it to take Mom home because she was in too much pain to sit in the waiting room), Doc told him that Mom is doing surprisingly well considering that she has nine cancerous tumours in her, and bone mets, and that he has seen people like her live up to five years.

These comments, according to Mom, have given Dad a little lift.