~ Emil first day out of hospital, 5 weeks old ~

Sat 12 Nov 2005
9:01 a.m.

Had a scare when I went to post yesterday’s entry and the computer froze up so completely that even with about six reboots, it appeared to be dead to the world. Just this week I had saved my most important work files to disks, so they at least would not be lost. But my overflowing address book, and my most recent photos, which I intend to have printed, would have been lost. Pictures of Mom are in that folder. I spent yesterday steeling myself for the possibility that the computer would not cooperate — ever again. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, even with a Mac, right? And I should have been prepared.

It was another beautiful day out there. Scott tore the deck off on Wednesday evening and had the new floor on by suppertime yesterday. I helped him a little, but mostly stood around with nothing to do when I was out there, so the kitchen cupboards got tackled instead. Except for the doors and the outside of the drawers, which can be done out in the shop, I got them sanded and washed so that this morning I can prime and this afternoon I can paint.

As busy as we were yesterday, I took the time to go for a walk. Often I stand out in the field and turn in every direction, seeing not one building, awed by the vastness of the land and sky, breathing in the fresh clear air, overwhelmed by the beauty and so grateful to be in the midst of it.

***

I dreamed that I was caring for Mom, who was having difficulty with pain and discomfort. Several times throughout the dream I remembered that Mom is gone and so she is not suffering, and that was a relief. In this dream, Mom had an infant, and I was lovingly caring for it.

When I got up an hour ago, the computer was running just fine. Don’t ask me what the problem was. Finicky damn machines. Now, to get my address book to save to a disk. And to buy a CD-burner or an external hard drive, or something, next time I get to the city. There is always so much shopping and running around to do when we go to Saskatoon that computer stuff gets shuffled to the bottom of the list and doesn’t get done. No more. Let me never be caught with my pants down again.

~ At five weeks, he weighed 4 and 1/2 lbs ~

Sign at the local bar:
Cold beer
Cheaper than
LBS

I have been wondering for weeks what sense that makes: "Cold beer, cheaper than pounds" — Huh? Mentioned it to Scott last night when we went to town for supper. He looked at me sideways (well, wouldn't you?) and said "liquor board store."

Seriously, I'm not even a quarter as intelligent as I look.

Fri 11 Nov 2005
9:16 a.m.

One day earlier this week, the snow came down purposefully all morning and by mid-afternoon the trees, ground, and everything on it were thickly laden with vanilla icing. I went for a walk in the falling snow, and then again later after it had settled. We live in a winter postcard.

Scott, who had to work with cattle this week, thought it was horrible weather. So I did not say too loudly, or more than once, how lovely it was. I found it glorious and daydreamed about having cross-country skis, sliding over snow-covered fields. Of the two of us, I am the one with the easy life.

The boys have been gone with their dad since Wednesday night. They’re renting a cabin at our local lake until Sunday. So I have the top kitchen cupboards emptied, ready to sand and prime today, and perhaps paint. With luck I’ll get to the bottom ones too.

Scott’s made a start on the deck, and though it looks like winter out there, it is pleasant to work in — mild. I even made myself available to help for a while, though ended up back indoors to act on my other agenda: work that pays, and these cupboards.

The minute Everett got off the schoolbus he picked up the shovel and started clearing the sidewalk for Emil to get by with his walker. I thought that was conscientious for a boy just turned 13 to think of doing without being asked. It is more likely that he enjoyed playing with the snow and the shovel. But he does look out for Emil quite a bit, and more so as he gets older. It’s good to see. I think a lot about who Emil will have to rely on when his parents are gone, and it’s easy to believe that Everett will always be there for him.

On this Remembrance Day, I’ll leave you with a few pictures taken on my walking tour around the farm here in Canada, where we have the good fortune to live in peace and prosperity, unlike so many others in this world. Most of us have never been to war, or had to survive the brutality and terror of it; the experiences of so many of these people seem impossible to fully heal from. .

Around the yard:

~ didn't get bikes put away ~

~ his rodliness made me a star ~

By the garden:

Garden path: