Monday, 26. April 2004
The Workshops

2 p.m.

There are very few times when one can see this little windmill thing totally still, but it happened the other evening as I was picking my way past the dugout, so I had to take a picture.

Since then, we’ve had gale-force winds. They usually die down a bit after supper, but lately we aren’t even that lucky. A walk requires both neck and ear coverings and a warm jacket.

I’m just about to go out for an afternoon stroll, for a change. Tonight I am invited to my sister’s for a clothing party, and although I don’t need one more item of clothing in my already overcrowded dresser and closet, I like clothes and always welcome new things to wear. I quickly tire of the same old, same old.

The weekend:

Well, it was nice to have Cathy here. I booted the boys out of their bedroom so she could have a relatively comfortable mattress and some privacy, and they slept on the living-room floor in their sleeping bags. Emil complained a bit because he has a hard time adjusting to even the most minor of changes, but they both slept well and looked so cute lined up on the carpet in their sleeping bags like giant larvae.

The workshops we attended on Saturday included lots of drumming, and I enjoyed that while Cathy found it more distracting than helpful when it comes to meditation. I tended to focus in on the sound itself and to feel it move me. I would like to get my own drum, now.

I can’t say I learned anything about meditating or contacting my spirit guides. I was a bit disappointed, because I always hope for some profound new insight or inspiration. But then, that's not really what the workshop was offering. For me the more important aspect may well have been the experience of being part of the group of lovely women who were there.

It sounds pompous as hell when I say I know how to meditate and contact my spirit guides, and that no one has taught me anything new in that respect for quite a few years! But I think I don’t really need new techniques anyway. What I need is the focus and energy to make use of the tools I already possess. No teacher can give that to me. I have to pull it up out of myself.

I could take workshops till the cows come home, but the value that results is not from the workshops themselves, it's gained by taking the abilities home and making good use of them.

What I need to do is practise what I already know in a more determined manner. I don’t have a daily spiritual practice or ritual beyond simply remembering as often as possible throughout the day to be still and to appreciate my good fortune in this moment.

I did enjoy a couple wonderful “journeys,” one guided and one not. I’ll write them down sometime.

Yesterday after Cathy left I went with my sister and Scott’s mom to see Connie Kaldor perform. She made all of us laugh quite a bit, mixed in with the good music of course. You could tell she really knows Saskatchewan people and the culture here.

Right now, Everett is mixing the dry ingredients for a double batch of bran muffins before we go outside. I was just out chopping wood for kindling and the wind feels a bit warmer today, although once we get out on the road we’ll probably freeze our faces off. Oh well.

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