~a mating pair out for their evening stroll on the ice~

Here it is, the beginning of my work week, which will be a short one. The boys and I are heading out for their Easter holiday in a couple days. They’ll stay with their dad and I’ll visit my pals around Edmonton.

I’ll be meeting the other editors for the first time at a staff lunch being organized because I will be in town. I’m looking forward to it but noticed myself feeling apprehensive about it. When I dug into the sensation deeply enough to articulate what it was, I discovered this: I am anxious that my comparatively unimpressive intelligence and lack of editorial experience will be apparent. I’ll be exposed as the sham I am!

The imagination paired with negative thinking clearly highlighted my insecurities. There is no reason to doubt my abilities, imperfect as they are. But I am still a little nervous. It will be a good-sized group of people to meet all at once, much as they all seem friendly and kind from email contact we’ve had.

We picked Grandma up yesterday and drove out to my aunt and uncle’s farm for a cup of tea and a visit. The snow is really melting now even though the air is still chilly. Last year’s stubble is flecked with patches of snow and blue meltwater now, and the Canada Geese are claiming their nesting territories. Crows are gathered in flocks of a dozen or so, and even the robins are sticking together fairly closely.

There is an astounding number of hawks, and so many different varieties of them. The hawk is my spirit guide bird, according to a shaman who led the sweatlodge I attended almost 10 years ago. I feel no affinity to or particular interest in the hawk, however; not then, not now. But I am curious to know the names of all these different species. They are everywhere in high hungry numbers these days.

And if I never do a sweatlodge again, that will be fine with me. Too hot! Too hot, too hot, too hot! The best part of it was when it was over — the sweet relief of cool air.