A friend and I were emailing back and forth about the popular psychology that “it takes two to tango” and that insists people take responsibilty for their part in relationship problems instead of blaming others. I said sometimes it does seem that one person is being honest and fair while the other is being a jerk, and that this needs to be acknowledged. In the notes for The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, this was put into words quite nicely:

"Hopefully my statement that we let go of 'angrily blaming that other person whom we see as causing our problems and failing to provide for our happiness' will not be misinterpreted. Here and throughout this book, I am referring to nonproductive blaming that perpetuates the status quo; this must be distinguished from other-directed anger that challenges it. Obviously, the ability to voice anger at discrimination and injustice is necessary not only for the maintenance of self-esteem but for the very process of personal and social change as well."