Wednesday, 4. December 2002
Conflict, or peace of mind?

Wednesday, Dec. 4
8:19 a.m.

We are basking in 20 below here. That’s fine and dandy when you’re warm and cosy indoors. Speaking of which, I’d best get downstairs and make a fire. For some reason Loverboy did not stir up the coals and get the flames roaring this morning like he usually does. I thought he might be planning to empty out the ashes, so I left it too. Now he’s gone so I guess that wasn’t his intention.

I slept on one of the three couches last night, and woke with the neck thing. I’d sat up late and when I went into the bedroom, Loverboy was sprawled diagonally across the bed so there was no place for me to get in. When I turned on the bedside lamp, he opened his eyes but did not move over. I let him be, and went to the couch.

I quite like this house and what he has done with it, for the most part. Yes it has dark woodpanelling and cabinetry in the kitchen, but I can live with that for a while because our plan is to turn it into a bedroom when we build a new kitchen next summer. Yes there are doorways and windows that still have no casings, and they don’t look very nice, yet after a while I hardly notice them.

But there are some things that really bug me. I don’t like living room curtains with brown water stains on them. Those had to go, and they did. I don’t like plaid or floral furniture, nor do I like it dirty. Those have to go, and soon. I don’t like a living room decorated with farmer hats, footballs, and school photos of children. Those will have to find another place to be displayed. And I don’t like a room that feels like a long, narrow tunnel because of the way the furniture, which there is too much of, is placed. I rearrange, try something different.

Functionality is important to me, but so is visual harmony. My tastes in furniture and interior decoration are eclectic, but I know what I do *not* like and what will bug me forever until it is changed.

***

Happiness is not to be found in human relations, though they are a very nice bonus when they are pleasant.

No, happiness -- at least, equilibrium, peace -- is to be found in other things in life. For me that means yoga, that means meditation, that means being outdoors, that means reading, singing, walking, listening to music. These are the things that must be central, that time must be found for, that are solid and reliable and give guaranteed returns.

xoxoxo
(etc)
-Kate

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